17. The 3 Most Common Struggles for New Leaders
Are you aware of the struggles you’re facing as a new leader and how you’re contributing to these problems through your leadership style? The truth is, you might be spending your time and energy in all the wrong places, so it’s time to get crystal clear on your leadership archetype and how it’s impacting your results and your experience as a leader.
There are three common struggles that come up for my clients, and once you can see how these are manifesting in your own role as a new leader, then you can start to see your options in overcoming these issues and stepping into your power as a leader.
Tune in this week to discover and dissect the three most common struggles I see among my clients. I’m sharing what these struggles look like, how they hold you back as a leader, and most importantly, what you can do about them.
You want to become more confident in your new leadership role like, yesterday, but all those courses you want to take and books you want to read are still on your ever-growing To do list… I mean, you have deadlines to meet. That’s where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for 1:1 coaching to help you meet your goals, faster. It’s like having your very own personal trainer for your brain. Apply here to work with me.
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
The leadership archetypes I see and how they become problematic.
How to see where you’re spending your time on tasks that don’t bring you closer to achieving your actual goals.
My tips for getting clear on your priorities as a leader.
How to see where you are overthinking, overexplaining, freezing up, and not communicating effectively as a leader.
Why you might be struggling to make decisions.
What you can do now to start addressing and overcoming these common leadership struggles.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Today we're going to be talking about the three types of struggles that I see the most often with my clients. And for each one, we're going to look at what it looks like how it holds you back as a leader, and what you can do about it.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola amigas. How are you? I am doing so good. My bestie has been hanging with me for the past couple of weeks. And her daughter was with us for a week, visiting in Mexico for spring break. So, that was really fun. We did some mani-pedi’s together, we went on some hikes, we played beach volleyball.
And by we, I mean they, because I don't play beach volleyball. But my friend's daughter does. And it was really fun. She plays competitive volleyball back at home. So, it was really fun to watch her play. And she's really, really good, which is great. We did some dance classes, we went on a road trip, and we also spent a day in an all-inclusive.
Now, that was fun for me, because I've been in Mexico for almost a year and a half, and I had never been here, in an all-inclusive, in this whole time. Now, I live a 10-minute walk from the beach, so you know, I pretty much go to the beach every week. But I actually liked being there, going to the buffet, having a nice cocktail, spending the day by the pool. Like, I had never done that. So, that was really fun to do that and hang with them.
All right. So today, we're going to be talking about the three types of struggles that I see the most often in my clients. And then for each one of them, we're going to look at how they manifest, how they can hold you back as a leader, and also what you can do about it.
I'm going to use some animals here, because I find that animal archetypes are really kind of a fun and easy way to sort of understand the energy. So, the first archetype is the Mouse. Now, when you think of a mouse, there's a lot of kind of nervous energy, right? They scatter around looking for food, they're really active, they're super speedy. So, you open up a light, you're not going to see the mouse, they're running away really fast. They're really adaptable and agile.
When you think about it, they're looking for food all the time, pretty much. And they're looking in different areas. They don't spend too much time looking in one area if they don't find food right away, so they're going to kind of move around. They're also curious, and they explore a lot, right? They have this innate desire to tend to the detail. So, they're really kind of looking around and looking at all corners of the house basically, to see if they can find food.
And the way that this energy can manifest in the leader, is that you can potentially burn yourself out. If you have a lot of Mouse energy, what it looks like is you've got a lot of nervous energy, you're kind of going around from task to task, you're really active, you get your job done really fast, you like to tend to the detail. So, you get a lot done, right?
What can tend to happen is you're going to likely overwork. You can end your days with a lot of tasks done, so a lot of things that are done. You might be even knocking things off your to-do list. But it feels like this never-ending list of small, little tasks on a to-do list. You feel like you're getting a lot accomplished, in a sense, but little accomplished in terms of the results that you're working towards.
So, your actual business results, for example, the projects that you're working on, they don't get done. What you end up doing is having a lot of side conversations, or going from meeting to meeting, or answering a lot of emails, or answering questions from your colleagues, employees, or your boss about ‘can I pick your brain on something?’
You're basically tending to everyone else's business. You're attending to every single little detail, so you end up your days exhausted. There's a lot of overworking. Yeah, there's a lot of burnout. And so, if you're in that energy, what you want to start doing is taking a step back. Literally look at your calendar and see where is your time going, and where is your energy going as well.
Are you spending a lot of time on tasks that really are not that important? That are not helping you move towards realizing your actual goals. Also, what you want to be doing is get really super clear on the results that you want to achieve. What are your goals for this week? What are they for the month? For the year? What are you working towards?
When your boss, at the end of the year, is going to meet with you for your performance evaluation, what are you going to talk about? What is he or she actually measuring you on? What are the results that you are paid for? And that, to me, is probably the most essential question that you need to be asking yourself. Well, for any leader, really, but especially for the ones who overwork.
You're going to end up, if you're in Mouse energy, burned out at the end of your days, working lots of hours, but not getting much important work done. Okay? And so, at the end of the year, you might end up in a conversation with your boss, and they're going to tell you, “Yeah, you know what? You actually didn't accomplish the results that we set out to accomplish together at the beginning of the year.”
But you worked 40 hours a week, or often more, on so many things that it feels like you accomplished your goals. But when you look at it, when you look at the bottom line, maybe the projects were not delivered on time, or it took more people to accomplish, or more resources to accomplish them, for example.
And so, you really want to get very clear on the results. You want to take a step back and look at your calendar, and make sure that the time that you are investing is towards important priorities. You want to make sure that you are prioritizing because often, people with Mouse energy tend to put everything on the same level of priority. And then, you want to make sure that you are committing your time to those priorities.
Now, it doesn't mean don't ever answer any questions from anyone who wants to pick your brain. But the thing is, you want to just really be careful that the time that you are spending on helping other people with their priorities is not time that is taking away from your priorities. You want to be really clear on that. And that is our first energy.
When we look at the second type of energy, we are going to think of the Rabbit. Now, when we look at a Rabbit, okay, well, they're really cute. First of all, they're really intelligent. They tend to be problem solvers. They're very sensitive, as well. What happens, too, is they can get really anxious.
If you look at a Rabbit, they're always almost on their hind legs, and they're kind of looking around, you know? And they can get really easily into freeze mode, and that often is an emotional overwhelm. And so, if you are in Rabbit energy, you're going to tend to often overthink, and maybe over-explain. People who are in Rabbit energy will tend to talk really fast.
So, what tends to happen is you will, for example, have a meeting coming up with an employee, and you're going to be thinking about often the worst-case scenario, if you're in Rabbit energy. And you're going to be like, “How am I going to tell them that they're underperforming? How am I going to have that conversation with them?”
But the way in which you're going to be thinking about it will be in an anxious, what if; what if they react in a certain way where they get defensive? What am I going to do? What if they are angry with me? How am I going to react? You're always kind of thinking about the worst-case scenario.
If you're in Rabbit energy, and your boss asks to speak with you, you're probably going to be overthinking that conversation. And then you're going to be thinking about the last few times that you've talked to your boss. What did they talk to you about? You're going to be thinking about the last couple of weeks; what did you do, right? So, you're going to automatically kind of go into this worst-case scenario, and think that your boss wants to talk to you about something that's negative.
Again, if you're in that Rabbit energy, what we want to do in this case, in order to get out of this Rabbit energy, is we want to actually push the worst-case scenario as far as possible. You want to actually force your brain, and this is not easy to do, so for this one, you might actually want to talk to a mentor or a coach, and you want to kind of look at what will happen if.
For example, your boss wants to meet with you. You're overthinking it; you think it's going to be bad news. You actually want to push that. So, what would be the worst-case scenario? Let's say my boss wants to talk about my performance. And let's say, ultimately, my boss wants to fire me. Let's say, that's my worst-case scenario; I'm going to lose my job. What if that happens? So what? And not “so what” in a dismissive way, but so what? What will happen then?
Let's say, worst-case scenario, boss is not happy with my performance and fires me. What will happen then? I'll be out of a job, and I won't have a salary coming in every two weeks from that job, or every week. What then? What would be the worst-case scenario then? Well, after, let's say, six months, I'm going to run out of money to pay my mortgage or pay my rent or whatever it may be. What then? What would be the worst-case scenario?
Then you force your brain to kind of get into the worst-case scenario. And often, our worst-case scenario ends up being something like, “I'm going to die frozen under a bridge,” right? Our brains automatically go there. And we all have our own worst-case scenario, that's mine; die alone under a bridge. But what happens, is our brain goes from that one performance conversation that's upcoming with our boss, and it takes it automatically, if we're in Rabbit energy, to that ultimate worst-case scenario.
By forcing ourselves to actually think about what that worst-case scenario could be, what the impact could be, we start noticing that it's very unlikely that our boss is actually going to tell us that our job is over, that we're going to run out of money, that we're going to be evicted from our home, and that we're going to die alone under a bridge.
It's very unlikely that from that one conversation, this whole cascade of events will happen. And then, what you might want to even do is look at what is the… I mean, it's not completely impossible, right? But it's very unlikely. You might actually want to look at even what's the probability of that happening. Okay, let's say it's 1% chance of that happening, from this one event. Okay, well, it's not completely impossible. But do I really want to be focusing all of my energy, and do I really want to be worrying about that possible outcome?
That's the first thing, and then you end up noticing that what if each one of those steps happened? Could I actually find a solution to that problem? So, taking it back. You have a conversation with your boss, say your boss fires you. First of all, could there be a solution to that? Could you potentially find another job? How likely is it that you could find another job? How much time do you think it could take you to find another job?
Back in the day, so I don't know how valid this still is, but back in the day, we would say, and I'm talking here, 20 years, okay. So, it would take about one month, per equivalent of $10,000 in salary to find an equivalent job; paid equivalent benefits, equivalent vacation, equivalent salary, that kind of thing.
Let's say you're making $70,000, then that will take you seven months. Now, potentially, I would think it's probably a lot faster. Because we now have social media, we now have LinkedIn. That was back in the day when we didn't have any of those things. And you had to apply for jobs on job postings and send your resume by paper, like snail mail, actual mail. Okay? Not email. And so, it's probably going to be a lot shorter.
But let's say it does take you six months to find something else. Do you have enough savings in the bank for six months? Could you ask someone else to maybe lend you money? Could you do something else than the current job that you're doing? Maybe work your way back up? So, there's a lot of options that we often don't think about, because our brain, when we're in Rabbit energy, goes into freeze mode.
It goes into, “Oh, my God, this is terrible. I'm going to die alone under a bridge.” Our brain shuts down. The emotional part of our brain, the amygdala takes over. And our rational brain, our frontal cortex, the thinking part of our brain, problem-solving part of our brain, is not active in that case.
The point of this what if, worst-case scenario, take it down that path, is to force yourself to actually think of different options and to see that the worst-case scenario is very actually unlikely. That is one thing that you can do. Also, letting yourself know that yeah, of course, it makes sense that your brain is taking you to the worst-case scenario because it actually wants to protect you. It's normal, that you're anxious. That's just the way that you've protected yourself. So far, nothing's gone wrong.
Now, are there better ways of dealing with this? The other thing that you can do also, is breath work. When you notice yourself going into your mind overthinking, what you want to do is kind of stop yourself. And it's very hard to do when you start getting into that anxious energy. But when you notice yourself going there, you'll want to just stop yourself and start to take some deep breaths.
And what actually happens, is when we breathe it sends oxygen to our brain. And by sending the oxygen to our brain, that oxygen helps us stop the flow of the anxious energy and anxious emotion. That's why it works.
Now, you could also download, I have a free meditation on my website, so you can download that; it’s five minutes. And you can literally just press play on that meditation. Every time you start noticing that you're going in your head, you're anxious and you're overthinking, you can just play and for five minutes, I'm going to guide you through meditation and some breath work to just calm yourself down. So, that's another thing that you can do.
Alright, so let's talk about the third type of energy that I see very often in my clients, and that is the Fish energy. Now, when we think of Fish, like they go with the flow, right? They're swimming around, they're having fun, they're very adaptable, they go different places in the river, or where else they may be.
Now, what happens with Fish energy, is fish don’t focus very well. They kind of swim along, they don't have a lot of clear goals. And they don't have a lot of clear boundaries, because basically, the whole river or ocean is available to them. So, they can pretty much swim wherever they want. There's not a lot of boundaries.
They can get really distracted by all of the ocean that's available to them. And they could also potentially change their mind often, right? Often, you'll see Fish swimming in one direction, and then another direction. So, that's kind of how it shows up.
Now, for leaders, how it manifests, is that if you have a lot of Fish energy, you are going to have trouble making decisions. You'll change your mind often. You're going to make one decision one day, and then you're going to make another decision another day. And so, it becomes very confusing for your team to follow you because you change your mind often.
You can be seen as someone who's wishy-washy. You'll be sometimes a little bit over-analytical, kind of waiting for all of the “right” data or the “right” information to make your decision. And you don't really make your decision ever because you actually never have all of the data that you're looking for. You're kind of always waiting for that last element of information to make your decision.
You also can tend to not have a clear vision; kind of swimming around and it's not really clear where you're going. So, it's very hard for people to follow you. And also, people don't always know what you stand for. Because, for example, you might be very clear on the direction that you and your team need to take.
And then you get into a management meeting with your boss and your colleagues. Then you leave your meeting. And then, you tell your employees, “Hey, you know what? Finally, we're going to do this other thing.” And they're like, “What? But like half an hour ago, you told us that we're going to do this. And now you're telling us we're going to do that. I don't understand.”
You're going to be seen, potentially, as someone who is always changing your mind, and always adapting to what other people have to say. And so obviously, that can all be very confusing for your teams. Now, of course, the plus to that is you're very go with the flow and you're adaptable, but again, very confusing to follow a leader who is overly adaptable and goes with the flow, and doesn't have clear boundaries or goals, right?
What do you want to do? You want to learn to set small goals. Because what happens with people with Fish energy, is they'll see everything really big. Like they could potentially be strategic, have a vision, but the vision isn't necessarily super clear, or tapered, I would say, or tapped in. And so, it becomes very confusing for others.
So, what you want to do is really get clear on that vision, setting a small goal and then accomplishing it, or small goals one at a time, okay? And then that way, you will be able to, and your team will be to, move the needle a lot faster. When you make a decision, you want to make it and stick with it. Okay? And live with the consequences of that decision. It doesn't mean NEVER course-correct, you're going to want to course-correct, of course. But do it after you've made the decision and you've carried it through, rather than during the implementation.
Because what happens is, if you're always course-correcting, again, it gets very confusing for people. You want to just really get very clear on those goals and you want to stay focused towards those goals. Which is why you want to maybe set small goals towards the larger goal, and that'll make it a lot easier to accomplish.
So, let's say that your team is focused on making more sales, or let's say your team is focused on profit on the bottom-line for this year, depending on what you're focused on. Now, of course, those two are really important. But you're going to take different actions if you're focused on increasing your revenue. Or if you're focused on profit, more profit, obviously, you might be focused more on looking at the expenses. Maybe this year, you're focused on research and development. Maybe you're focused on new product development.
So, whatever you're focused on make sure that you are clear on what that is, okay? Because again, the actions that you're going to take with your team, if you're focused on developing a product, it's probably going to be costing you a lot more money upfront. You have your team, it might be taking a lot more time, you're going to need some experimentation, you're going to have some fails, some things are not going to work along the way.
Versus if you're focused on cutting costs, for example. And therefore, you're going to be a lot more efficient, you're going to ask for measures that you know, are very clear, you're going to ask your team to look at where they're spending, look at all of the expenses. And you're going to ask them to give you a report, in terms of where they could cut, in terms of where they can be more efficient with their time, with their resources.
Versus if you're asking them to be more innovative. So, two different things. Now, of course, we can be innovative in cost-cutting, of course. But if we're looking at building a new product, it's going to be very different. You're probably going to have to spend upfront, rather than cut costs.
So again, what are we focused towards? And what small goals can you accomplish on the way there? How can you set the vision for your team? Making it really clear for them where they are going, rather than being wishy washy. And make your decisions and stick with them.
All right, that's what I had for you today. I wish you a wonderful week, everyone. Have a good one. If ever, you're loving the podcast, and I hope that you are, please do not forget to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And also recommend it to your friends, send it over to them.
Have a great day.
Maybe you're thinking, “How did I get here? I have no idea how to do this.” And you don't have time to read all the books and get all the training on how to do this leadership thing. You have deadlines to meet and goals to crush. That's where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for one-on-one coaching. It's like having your very own personal trainer for your brain.
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Thanks for listening to The Confident Female Leader podcast. Ready to dismantle the patriarchy with me? Come say “Hi” at AnnieFramand.com to learn more about how you can take this work deeper and apply what you're learning.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola amigas. How are you? I am doing so good. My bestie has been hanging with me for the past couple of weeks. And her daughter was with us for a week, visiting in Mexico for spring break. So, that was really fun. We did some mani-pedi’s together, we went on some hikes, we played beach volleyball.
And by we, I mean they, because I don't play beach volleyball. But my friend's daughter does. And it was really fun. She plays competitive volleyball back at home. So, it was really fun to watch her play. And she's really, really good, which is great. We did some dance classes, we went on a road trip, and we also spent a day in an all-inclusive.
Now, that was fun for me, because I've been in Mexico for almost a year and a half, and I had never been here, in an all-inclusive, in this whole time. Now, I live a 10-minute walk from the beach, so you know, I pretty much go to the beach every week. But I actually liked being there, going to the buffet, having a nice cocktail, spending the day by the pool. Like, I had never done that. So, that was really fun to do that and hang with them.
All right. So today, we're going to be talking about the three types of struggles that I see the most often in my clients. And then for each one of them, we're going to look at how they manifest, how they can hold you back as a leader, and also what you can do about it.
I'm going to use some animals here, because I find that animal archetypes are really kind of a fun and easy way to sort of understand the energy. So, the first archetype is the Mouse. Now, when you think of a mouse, there's a lot of kind of nervous energy, right? They scatter around looking for food, they're really active, they're super speedy. So, you open up a light, you're not going to see the mouse, they're running away really fast. They're really adaptable and agile.
When you think about it, they're looking for food all the time, pretty much. And they're looking in different areas. They don't spend too much time looking in one area if they don't find food right away, so they're going to kind of move around. They're also curious, and they explore a lot, right? They have this innate desire to tend to the detail. So, they're really kind of looking around and looking at all corners of the house basically, to see if they can find food.
And the way that this energy can manifest in the leader, is that you can potentially burn yourself out. If you have a lot of Mouse energy, what it looks like is you've got a lot of nervous energy, you're kind of going around from task to task, you're really active, you get your job done really fast, you like to tend to the detail. So, you get a lot done, right?
What can tend to happen is you're going to likely overwork. You can end your days with a lot of tasks done, so a lot of things that are done. You might be even knocking things off your to-do list. But it feels like this never-ending list of small, little tasks on a to-do list. You feel like you're getting a lot accomplished, in a sense, but little accomplished in terms of the results that you're working towards.
So, your actual business results, for example, the projects that you're working on, they don't get done. What you end up doing is having a lot of side conversations, or going from meeting to meeting, or answering a lot of emails, or answering questions from your colleagues, employees, or your boss about ‘can I pick your brain on something?’
You're basically tending to everyone else's business. You're attending to every single little detail, so you end up your days exhausted. There's a lot of overworking. Yeah, there's a lot of burnout. And so, if you're in that energy, what you want to start doing is taking a step back. Literally look at your calendar and see where is your time going, and where is your energy going as well.
Are you spending a lot of time on tasks that really are not that important? That are not helping you move towards realizing your actual goals. Also, what you want to be doing is get really super clear on the results that you want to achieve. What are your goals for this week? What are they for the month? For the year? What are you working towards?
When your boss, at the end of the year, is going to meet with you for your performance evaluation, what are you going to talk about? What is he or she actually measuring you on? What are the results that you are paid for? And that, to me, is probably the most essential question that you need to be asking yourself. Well, for any leader, really, but especially for the ones who overwork.
You're going to end up, if you're in Mouse energy, burned out at the end of your days, working lots of hours, but not getting much important work done. Okay? And so, at the end of the year, you might end up in a conversation with your boss, and they're going to tell you, “Yeah, you know what? You actually didn't accomplish the results that we set out to accomplish together at the beginning of the year.”
But you worked 40 hours a week, or often more, on so many things that it feels like you accomplished your goals. But when you look at it, when you look at the bottom line, maybe the projects were not delivered on time, or it took more people to accomplish, or more resources to accomplish them, for example.
And so, you really want to get very clear on the results. You want to take a step back and look at your calendar, and make sure that the time that you are investing is towards important priorities. You want to make sure that you are prioritizing because often, people with Mouse energy tend to put everything on the same level of priority. And then, you want to make sure that you are committing your time to those priorities.
Now, it doesn't mean don't ever answer any questions from anyone who wants to pick your brain. But the thing is, you want to just really be careful that the time that you are spending on helping other people with their priorities is not time that is taking away from your priorities. You want to be really clear on that. And that is our first energy.
When we look at the second type of energy, we are going to think of the Rabbit. Now, when we look at a Rabbit, okay, well, they're really cute. First of all, they're really intelligent. They tend to be problem solvers. They're very sensitive, as well. What happens, too, is they can get really anxious.
If you look at a Rabbit, they're always almost on their hind legs, and they're kind of looking around, you know? And they can get really easily into freeze mode, and that often is an emotional overwhelm. And so, if you are in Rabbit energy, you're going to tend to often overthink, and maybe over-explain. People who are in Rabbit energy will tend to talk really fast.
So, what tends to happen is you will, for example, have a meeting coming up with an employee, and you're going to be thinking about often the worst-case scenario, if you're in Rabbit energy. And you're going to be like, “How am I going to tell them that they're underperforming? How am I going to have that conversation with them?”
But the way in which you're going to be thinking about it will be in an anxious, what if; what if they react in a certain way where they get defensive? What am I going to do? What if they are angry with me? How am I going to react? You're always kind of thinking about the worst-case scenario.
If you're in Rabbit energy, and your boss asks to speak with you, you're probably going to be overthinking that conversation. And then you're going to be thinking about the last few times that you've talked to your boss. What did they talk to you about? You're going to be thinking about the last couple of weeks; what did you do, right? So, you're going to automatically kind of go into this worst-case scenario, and think that your boss wants to talk to you about something that's negative.
Again, if you're in that Rabbit energy, what we want to do in this case, in order to get out of this Rabbit energy, is we want to actually push the worst-case scenario as far as possible. You want to actually force your brain, and this is not easy to do, so for this one, you might actually want to talk to a mentor or a coach, and you want to kind of look at what will happen if.
For example, your boss wants to meet with you. You're overthinking it; you think it's going to be bad news. You actually want to push that. So, what would be the worst-case scenario? Let's say my boss wants to talk about my performance. And let's say, ultimately, my boss wants to fire me. Let's say, that's my worst-case scenario; I'm going to lose my job. What if that happens? So what? And not “so what” in a dismissive way, but so what? What will happen then?
Let's say, worst-case scenario, boss is not happy with my performance and fires me. What will happen then? I'll be out of a job, and I won't have a salary coming in every two weeks from that job, or every week. What then? What would be the worst-case scenario then? Well, after, let's say, six months, I'm going to run out of money to pay my mortgage or pay my rent or whatever it may be. What then? What would be the worst-case scenario?
Then you force your brain to kind of get into the worst-case scenario. And often, our worst-case scenario ends up being something like, “I'm going to die frozen under a bridge,” right? Our brains automatically go there. And we all have our own worst-case scenario, that's mine; die alone under a bridge. But what happens, is our brain goes from that one performance conversation that's upcoming with our boss, and it takes it automatically, if we're in Rabbit energy, to that ultimate worst-case scenario.
By forcing ourselves to actually think about what that worst-case scenario could be, what the impact could be, we start noticing that it's very unlikely that our boss is actually going to tell us that our job is over, that we're going to run out of money, that we're going to be evicted from our home, and that we're going to die alone under a bridge.
It's very unlikely that from that one conversation, this whole cascade of events will happen. And then, what you might want to even do is look at what is the… I mean, it's not completely impossible, right? But it's very unlikely. You might actually want to look at even what's the probability of that happening. Okay, let's say it's 1% chance of that happening, from this one event. Okay, well, it's not completely impossible. But do I really want to be focusing all of my energy, and do I really want to be worrying about that possible outcome?
That's the first thing, and then you end up noticing that what if each one of those steps happened? Could I actually find a solution to that problem? So, taking it back. You have a conversation with your boss, say your boss fires you. First of all, could there be a solution to that? Could you potentially find another job? How likely is it that you could find another job? How much time do you think it could take you to find another job?
Back in the day, so I don't know how valid this still is, but back in the day, we would say, and I'm talking here, 20 years, okay. So, it would take about one month, per equivalent of $10,000 in salary to find an equivalent job; paid equivalent benefits, equivalent vacation, equivalent salary, that kind of thing.
Let's say you're making $70,000, then that will take you seven months. Now, potentially, I would think it's probably a lot faster. Because we now have social media, we now have LinkedIn. That was back in the day when we didn't have any of those things. And you had to apply for jobs on job postings and send your resume by paper, like snail mail, actual mail. Okay? Not email. And so, it's probably going to be a lot shorter.
But let's say it does take you six months to find something else. Do you have enough savings in the bank for six months? Could you ask someone else to maybe lend you money? Could you do something else than the current job that you're doing? Maybe work your way back up? So, there's a lot of options that we often don't think about, because our brain, when we're in Rabbit energy, goes into freeze mode.
It goes into, “Oh, my God, this is terrible. I'm going to die alone under a bridge.” Our brain shuts down. The emotional part of our brain, the amygdala takes over. And our rational brain, our frontal cortex, the thinking part of our brain, problem-solving part of our brain, is not active in that case.
The point of this what if, worst-case scenario, take it down that path, is to force yourself to actually think of different options and to see that the worst-case scenario is very actually unlikely. That is one thing that you can do. Also, letting yourself know that yeah, of course, it makes sense that your brain is taking you to the worst-case scenario because it actually wants to protect you. It's normal, that you're anxious. That's just the way that you've protected yourself. So far, nothing's gone wrong.
Now, are there better ways of dealing with this? The other thing that you can do also, is breath work. When you notice yourself going into your mind overthinking, what you want to do is kind of stop yourself. And it's very hard to do when you start getting into that anxious energy. But when you notice yourself going there, you'll want to just stop yourself and start to take some deep breaths.
And what actually happens, is when we breathe it sends oxygen to our brain. And by sending the oxygen to our brain, that oxygen helps us stop the flow of the anxious energy and anxious emotion. That's why it works.
Now, you could also download, I have a free meditation on my website, so you can download that; it’s five minutes. And you can literally just press play on that meditation. Every time you start noticing that you're going in your head, you're anxious and you're overthinking, you can just play and for five minutes, I'm going to guide you through meditation and some breath work to just calm yourself down. So, that's another thing that you can do.
Alright, so let's talk about the third type of energy that I see very often in my clients, and that is the Fish energy. Now, when we think of Fish, like they go with the flow, right? They're swimming around, they're having fun, they're very adaptable, they go different places in the river, or where else they may be.
Now, what happens with Fish energy, is fish don’t focus very well. They kind of swim along, they don't have a lot of clear goals. And they don't have a lot of clear boundaries, because basically, the whole river or ocean is available to them. So, they can pretty much swim wherever they want. There's not a lot of boundaries.
They can get really distracted by all of the ocean that's available to them. And they could also potentially change their mind often, right? Often, you'll see Fish swimming in one direction, and then another direction. So, that's kind of how it shows up.
Now, for leaders, how it manifests, is that if you have a lot of Fish energy, you are going to have trouble making decisions. You'll change your mind often. You're going to make one decision one day, and then you're going to make another decision another day. And so, it becomes very confusing for your team to follow you because you change your mind often.
You can be seen as someone who's wishy-washy. You'll be sometimes a little bit over-analytical, kind of waiting for all of the “right” data or the “right” information to make your decision. And you don't really make your decision ever because you actually never have all of the data that you're looking for. You're kind of always waiting for that last element of information to make your decision.
You also can tend to not have a clear vision; kind of swimming around and it's not really clear where you're going. So, it's very hard for people to follow you. And also, people don't always know what you stand for. Because, for example, you might be very clear on the direction that you and your team need to take.
And then you get into a management meeting with your boss and your colleagues. Then you leave your meeting. And then, you tell your employees, “Hey, you know what? Finally, we're going to do this other thing.” And they're like, “What? But like half an hour ago, you told us that we're going to do this. And now you're telling us we're going to do that. I don't understand.”
You're going to be seen, potentially, as someone who is always changing your mind, and always adapting to what other people have to say. And so obviously, that can all be very confusing for your teams. Now, of course, the plus to that is you're very go with the flow and you're adaptable, but again, very confusing to follow a leader who is overly adaptable and goes with the flow, and doesn't have clear boundaries or goals, right?
What do you want to do? You want to learn to set small goals. Because what happens with people with Fish energy, is they'll see everything really big. Like they could potentially be strategic, have a vision, but the vision isn't necessarily super clear, or tapered, I would say, or tapped in. And so, it becomes very confusing for others.
So, what you want to do is really get clear on that vision, setting a small goal and then accomplishing it, or small goals one at a time, okay? And then that way, you will be able to, and your team will be to, move the needle a lot faster. When you make a decision, you want to make it and stick with it. Okay? And live with the consequences of that decision. It doesn't mean NEVER course-correct, you're going to want to course-correct, of course. But do it after you've made the decision and you've carried it through, rather than during the implementation.
Because what happens is, if you're always course-correcting, again, it gets very confusing for people. You want to just really get very clear on those goals and you want to stay focused towards those goals. Which is why you want to maybe set small goals towards the larger goal, and that'll make it a lot easier to accomplish.
So, let's say that your team is focused on making more sales, or let's say your team is focused on profit on the bottom-line for this year, depending on what you're focused on. Now, of course, those two are really important. But you're going to take different actions if you're focused on increasing your revenue. Or if you're focused on profit, more profit, obviously, you might be focused more on looking at the expenses. Maybe this year, you're focused on research and development. Maybe you're focused on new product development.
So, whatever you're focused on make sure that you are clear on what that is, okay? Because again, the actions that you're going to take with your team, if you're focused on developing a product, it's probably going to be costing you a lot more money upfront. You have your team, it might be taking a lot more time, you're going to need some experimentation, you're going to have some fails, some things are not going to work along the way.
Versus if you're focused on cutting costs, for example. And therefore, you're going to be a lot more efficient, you're going to ask for measures that you know, are very clear, you're going to ask your team to look at where they're spending, look at all of the expenses. And you're going to ask them to give you a report, in terms of where they could cut, in terms of where they can be more efficient with their time, with their resources.
Versus if you're asking them to be more innovative. So, two different things. Now, of course, we can be innovative in cost-cutting, of course. But if we're looking at building a new product, it's going to be very different. You're probably going to have to spend upfront, rather than cut costs.
So again, what are we focused towards? And what small goals can you accomplish on the way there? How can you set the vision for your team? Making it really clear for them where they are going, rather than being wishy washy. And make your decisions and stick with them.
All right, that's what I had for you today. I wish you a wonderful week, everyone. Have a good one. If ever, you're loving the podcast, and I hope that you are, please do not forget to rate and review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. And also recommend it to your friends, send it over to them.
Have a great day.
Maybe you're thinking, “How did I get here? I have no idea how to do this.” And you don't have time to read all the books and get all the training on how to do this leadership thing. You have deadlines to meet and goals to crush. That's where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for one-on-one coaching. It's like having your very own personal trainer for your brain.
In just three months, I help you become more confident in your leadership role faster and with less drama. We work on mindset to help you stop drowning under all of the tasks you have to do and stop worrying about every email and conversation. We also work on skill sets like, “How, exactly, do I delegate this task to Sally? How do I tell Bob about all those mistakes he has been making?”
Go to www. AnnieFramand.com to book your free 30-minute consult to see if we're a good fit. See you there.
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