16. How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome as a New Leader
When we step into a leadership role for the first time, it’s pretty common to have thoughts about how we don’t deserve to be there, that we don’t have enough experience, and somebody else could do a better job. But the truth here is that your brain is not a reliable narrator, and you’re struggling with imposter syndrome.
Because of our socialization as women, we often believe we’re doing a worse job than we actually are. But in this episode, I’m showing you why we don’t see ourselves as the competent, intelligent people others see us as, and how imposter syndrome makes life even harder as a new female leader.
Tune in this week to discover what imposter syndrome is, how it holds you back, and what you can do about it. I’m sharing why even your high-achieving behavior might be a symptom of imposter syndrome, how imposter syndrome ties in with perfectionism, and how it’s keeping you overworking and underearning as a leader.
You want to become more confident in your new leadership role like, yesterday, but all those courses you want to take and books you want to read are still on your ever-growing To do list… I mean, you have deadlines to meet. That’s where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for 1:1 coaching to help you meet your goals, faster. It’s like having your very own personal trainer for your brain. Apply here to work with me.
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
What imposter syndrome is and how it shows up for new leaders.
Why women generally rate themselves lower in 360-degree evaluation than their bosses, employees, and colleagues rate them.
How even the highest-achieving people experience imposter syndrome.
The specific thoughts that lead us to always be on the lookout for our potential mistakes.
How imposter syndrome can keep you in a cycle of overworking and underearning.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Today, we're going to be talking about impostor syndrome; what it is, how it holds us back, and what to do about it.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola, amigas. How are you? I'm doing so good. I've been taking Bachata classes every Friday now, with my love and some friends, for a few weeks. Last week, we actually danced a salsa song right after Bachata class. It just came on, and so I invited my love to dance. He's been dancing salsa for 12 years now. And, I've been taking classes for five months.
I asked a friend to film us as we were dancing this song. And as soon as she started filming, I started to get really self-conscious. I was actually saying things out loud, like, “Oh, shit, this song is too fast. I'm going to be messing up. Oh, I’ve got to edit that out, I messed up.” And then I started getting really hyper focused on all of the times where I missed a turn, for example, or I missed a step.
I was really beating myself up throughout the whole three-minute song. I noticed all of my mistakes. I, of course, had some fun as well. But I really was hyper focused on what I was doing wrong. Now, the next day, when I rewatched the video, I was like, “Holy shit, I can't even tell where I made mistakes, even in the parts where I called them out.”
So, I rewatched the video a second time, really specifically looking at the areas where I was pointing out my mistakes. And ladies, I could not see them. That blew my mind. Our brains are such unreliable narrators of our experience. I actually danced that song really well. It did not show that it was too fast for me. It did not show where I made mistakes or missed a step, at all.
And so, I posted the video in my stories the next day, and I got so many compliments from it. I wanted to use this as a story to introduce our concept today, about impostor syndrome. Now, this comes up over and over again with my clients. We often think, as women, because that's how we've been socialized, that we are doing worse of a job than we actually are. And again, our brains are such unreliable narrators.
This is why, over and over again, in 360° evaluations, women will rate themselves, in their self-perception of themselves, lower than other responders like their bosses, their employees, and their colleagues, more often than not. We do not see ourselves as others see us. We often feel like we are an imposter.
Now, let's look at how we define what this is. There are a lot of definitions out there, so the one that I am using in this podcast is from Psychology Today:
“People who struggle with impostor syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements. They often feel that they are not as competent or intelligent as others might think. And that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with impostor syndrome are often well accomplished. They may hold high office or have numerous academic degrees.”
I see this so often in myself and also in my clients, of women accumulating certifications, going to enroll in many different programs, often have many titles, and still don't believe that they belong. Even when they hold, for example, a vice president title, they still feel like an imposter. So, it is not the title itself that gives us the confidence.
What happens, is that instead of acknowledging our capabilities, instead of acknowledging what brought us to achieve what we've achieved, the degrees, these certifications, the position, right? Instead of acknowledging the effort that we've made, or the intelligence that we have, or the different skills; like, we're good at sales or we're good at influencing others, we're good at creating connections, or whatever it may be that has led us where we are.
We often attribute our accomplishments to external causes. Things like luck, good timing, or effort, right? The position was there and nobody else applied for it. That's why I got it. It's not because I'm really good at what I do it. It's not because I'm a great leader, and I'm great at guiding people and helping them achieve their goals. Right? It just so happened that nobody else applied. That's why I got the job. Okay, so that's what we're thinking when we have impostor syndrome.
Now, impostor syndrome was first documented in the 70s, with high-achieving women. Many women still have impostor syndrome. It is not only women; men also are susceptible to developing imposter syndrome as well. And often, it's related to perfectionism.
So, when we're perfectionistic, we feel that pressure to perform at our best, like 100% of the time. And when we don't, we feel incompetent, we feel anxious. And oftentimes, when we get a promotion, that's where I see it show up in my clients, we think we don't belong. We feel like that imposter. I shouldn't really be here. If I make a mistake, I'm going to lose this job. I'm going to lose the promotion; I'm going to be demoted back to my old job. Maybe they're going to fire me. Right?
On top of being a perfectionist, in which case, anyways, we're putting that pressure on ourselves to do well all the time, we think that we don't belong in this role that we've been given. So, we're always on the lookout for mistakes that we're making. Kind of like I was when I was dancing salsa. Thinking to myself that I really wasn't doing a great job, when I was.
Now, my mission is to help women to stop overworking and underearning. I see this all the time, and it breaks my heart to hear the same story over and over again. Extremely competent women, not knowing or not feeling that they're extremely competent, and therefore not negotiating their salary. Or, undercharging their services. Or, getting a raise and then hustling to prove that they deserve it.
Therefore, overworking because they feel that they don't deserve the promotion that they've been given, and/or the salary that they've been given. That is the consequence of imposter syndrome, or one of the consequences. Feeling that we don't deserve the role for being who we are already.
Listen to that one again. If you have impostor syndrome, you feel that you don't deserve the role that you already have, for being who you are already. So, you feel that you need to constantly be proving that you are worthy of the job that you already have. Then you're constantly hustling to prove your worth. And you're in that cycle of overworking to prove that you deserve the job that you already have.
The other thing too, is, of course, we're going to feel like an impostor when we have this perfect vision of this perfect leader in our minds of how these leadership qualities “should” show up. Right? We think that a leader should always be in a good mood. Should always be inspirational. Should always have positive results.
Now, when we think of all of these characteristics, and we think that great leaders, aspirational leaders, perfect leaders, don't have bad days, of course, we're going to feel like an impostor. Because, hey, guess what? We're human. We're going to have bad days. And, we're going to have days where we're not going to show up perfectly.
So, feeling like an imposter is feeling like we don't belong. It really is the fastest way to overwork and be underpaid, because we're working harder to prove ourselves. Now, how do we overcome it? Because the consequences are really important. The consequences are, as we've said, often overworking, underearning. And also, being in our minds a lot, comparing ourselves to others, spinning and thinking, looking at all of the things that we're doing “wrong”, and looking at all our mistakes.
When I was dancing salsa, I was mostly focused on how fast the song was, on where I was messing up, on how I looked to others as they were watching me dance. I even thought, “Oh, my God, people are going to say, ‘It's not possible that she's been taking salsa classes for five months now. Look at the way she's dancing. She's messing up all these times.’”
First of all, nobody was focused on that at all. Right? I was the only one hyper focused, in my head, thinking about all my mistakes. And so, what happens when we have impostor syndrome, we are not focused on our experience. We are not focused on the present. We're very much in our head, and that will lead to overthinking.
Now, overcoming impostor syndrome involves, often, changing our mindset about our own abilities. Changing our beliefs about our abilities. Again, when I watched that video, I was like, “Wow, I nailed it.” Right? I couldn't even see the mistakes that I made, even though in my head, while I was dancing, that's all I could think about. So, changing our mindset about our abilities.
I'm a great dancer. I mean, sure, I'm not an advanced dancer. I've been dancing for five months. But I nailed that. I did really good. Thinking about yourself as a leader, ask yourself the questions:
What am I already doing well, now? What are the strengths? We talked about this a little bit in the last episode. What are the strengths that I bring to the table? What do I do really well? Is it because I'm strategic? Is it because I'm detail oriented? Is it because I'm organized? Is it because I'm able to rally my team towards a common mission? Is it because I'm able to motivate them? What do you already bring to the table that you're really good at?
Okay, so acknowledging your accomplishments, acknowledging your expertise, acknowledging your abilities, is key in overcoming impostor syndrome. Reminding yourself that you already have earned the position that you have right now. You don't need to accumulate more certifications, more accomplishments, more knowledge.
And often, again, when we feel like an imposter, we compare ourselves to others. And so, that limits us as well. When you notice yourself, comparing yourself to others, do you do it to beat yourself up? Or, do you do it as an aspirational goal?
For example, I'm at level four in salsa dancing, now. So, if I compare myself to someone who's dancing level five, before, I used to beat myself up and be like, “Oh, I wish I was like her. I can't do my styling like her.” But I'm just learning to style. So now, the way that I look at it, when I look up to someone who's an extra level than me or a higher level than me, I'll be like, “Oh, wow, look at her styling. I love how she does that. I can't wait to learn it so I can do it, as well.”
Just notice if you're comparing yourself to beat yourself up, and say,” Oh, my God, I'm not there yet.” Are you comparing yourself to a leader who's been leading for a year or five or 10 or 20? Just notice, if you're beating yourself up, if you're comparing yourself to someone who's been leading for 20 years. Sure, there's going to be gaps between where you are and where they are, just because you're not at the same level. So, it's normal.
I'm not comparing my salsa dancing to my love’s, because he's been dancing for 12 years. And so, what you'll want to do, is just be mindful of comparing yourself to others as well. Also, notice where you're putting pressure on yourself. See if you can start to release that pressure. And really celebrating where you are celebrating your accomplishments, and reminding yourself that you already got the job; you already belong.
Sure, there are things that you can do better, like, we all can. But looking at it from a standpoint of being as objective as you can, rather than beating yourself up.
In the next week, start to notice. If you want, you can build out a list of your abilities. What are your doing already really well? What are the things that you're good at? Why were you promoted in this role in the first place? You might want to ask your boss about that, if you haven't already.
Also, what are the things that you could potentially improve on? But not because you're not good enough in the role as you are. But just because you want to improve. You want to become a better leader, like I want to become a better dancer.
Alright, ladies, that is what I had for you this week. If you are enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate and review it on Spotify and Apple podcasts. And, don't forget to share it with a leader who you know, who could benefit from the podcast.
I look forward to seeing you next week. Have a good one, everyone.
Maybe you're thinking, “How did I get here? I have no idea how to do this.” And you don't have time to read all the books and get all the training on how to do this leadership thing. You have deadlines to meet and goals to crush. That's where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for one-on-one coaching. It's like having your very own personal trainer for your brain.
In just three months, I help you become more confident in your leadership role faster and with less drama. We work on mindset to help you stop drowning under all of the tasks you have to do and stop worrying about every email and conversation. We also work on skill sets like, “How, exactly, do I delegate this task to Sally? How do I tell Bob about all those mistakes he has been making?”
Go to www. AnnieFramand.com to book your free 30-minute consult to see if we're a good fit. See you there.
Thanks for listening to The Confident Female Leader podcast. Ready to dismantle the patriarchy with me? Come say “Hi” at AnnieFramand.com to learn more about how you can take this work deeper and apply what you're learning.
Welcome to The Confident Female Leader podcast. A space for ambitious women stepping into leadership who are ready to take control of their circumstances and own their magic. If you're ready to start shedding your self-doubt, come into your new identity as a leader, and stop consistently undervaluing yourself so you can feel more confident in your role, this show’s for you. I'm Annie Framand, Psychologist, Certified Feminist Coach, and Master Trainer. And I'm on a mission to help women just like you stop overworking, overthinking, and overpleasing, so you can start creating success on your terms. Ready to create your dream life? Let's go.
Hola, amigas. How are you? I'm doing so good. I've been taking Bachata classes every Friday now, with my love and some friends, for a few weeks. Last week, we actually danced a salsa song right after Bachata class. It just came on, and so I invited my love to dance. He's been dancing salsa for 12 years now. And, I've been taking classes for five months.
I asked a friend to film us as we were dancing this song. And as soon as she started filming, I started to get really self-conscious. I was actually saying things out loud, like, “Oh, shit, this song is too fast. I'm going to be messing up. Oh, I’ve got to edit that out, I messed up.” And then I started getting really hyper focused on all of the times where I missed a turn, for example, or I missed a step.
I was really beating myself up throughout the whole three-minute song. I noticed all of my mistakes. I, of course, had some fun as well. But I really was hyper focused on what I was doing wrong. Now, the next day, when I rewatched the video, I was like, “Holy shit, I can't even tell where I made mistakes, even in the parts where I called them out.”
So, I rewatched the video a second time, really specifically looking at the areas where I was pointing out my mistakes. And ladies, I could not see them. That blew my mind. Our brains are such unreliable narrators of our experience. I actually danced that song really well. It did not show that it was too fast for me. It did not show where I made mistakes or missed a step, at all.
And so, I posted the video in my stories the next day, and I got so many compliments from it. I wanted to use this as a story to introduce our concept today, about impostor syndrome. Now, this comes up over and over again with my clients. We often think, as women, because that's how we've been socialized, that we are doing worse of a job than we actually are. And again, our brains are such unreliable narrators.
This is why, over and over again, in 360° evaluations, women will rate themselves, in their self-perception of themselves, lower than other responders like their bosses, their employees, and their colleagues, more often than not. We do not see ourselves as others see us. We often feel like we are an imposter.
Now, let's look at how we define what this is. There are a lot of definitions out there, so the one that I am using in this podcast is from Psychology Today:
“People who struggle with impostor syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements. They often feel that they are not as competent or intelligent as others might think. And that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them. Those with impostor syndrome are often well accomplished. They may hold high office or have numerous academic degrees.”
I see this so often in myself and also in my clients, of women accumulating certifications, going to enroll in many different programs, often have many titles, and still don't believe that they belong. Even when they hold, for example, a vice president title, they still feel like an imposter. So, it is not the title itself that gives us the confidence.
What happens, is that instead of acknowledging our capabilities, instead of acknowledging what brought us to achieve what we've achieved, the degrees, these certifications, the position, right? Instead of acknowledging the effort that we've made, or the intelligence that we have, or the different skills; like, we're good at sales or we're good at influencing others, we're good at creating connections, or whatever it may be that has led us where we are.
We often attribute our accomplishments to external causes. Things like luck, good timing, or effort, right? The position was there and nobody else applied for it. That's why I got it. It's not because I'm really good at what I do it. It's not because I'm a great leader, and I'm great at guiding people and helping them achieve their goals. Right? It just so happened that nobody else applied. That's why I got the job. Okay, so that's what we're thinking when we have impostor syndrome.
Now, impostor syndrome was first documented in the 70s, with high-achieving women. Many women still have impostor syndrome. It is not only women; men also are susceptible to developing imposter syndrome as well. And often, it's related to perfectionism.
So, when we're perfectionistic, we feel that pressure to perform at our best, like 100% of the time. And when we don't, we feel incompetent, we feel anxious. And oftentimes, when we get a promotion, that's where I see it show up in my clients, we think we don't belong. We feel like that imposter. I shouldn't really be here. If I make a mistake, I'm going to lose this job. I'm going to lose the promotion; I'm going to be demoted back to my old job. Maybe they're going to fire me. Right?
On top of being a perfectionist, in which case, anyways, we're putting that pressure on ourselves to do well all the time, we think that we don't belong in this role that we've been given. So, we're always on the lookout for mistakes that we're making. Kind of like I was when I was dancing salsa. Thinking to myself that I really wasn't doing a great job, when I was.
Now, my mission is to help women to stop overworking and underearning. I see this all the time, and it breaks my heart to hear the same story over and over again. Extremely competent women, not knowing or not feeling that they're extremely competent, and therefore not negotiating their salary. Or, undercharging their services. Or, getting a raise and then hustling to prove that they deserve it.
Therefore, overworking because they feel that they don't deserve the promotion that they've been given, and/or the salary that they've been given. That is the consequence of imposter syndrome, or one of the consequences. Feeling that we don't deserve the role for being who we are already.
Listen to that one again. If you have impostor syndrome, you feel that you don't deserve the role that you already have, for being who you are already. So, you feel that you need to constantly be proving that you are worthy of the job that you already have. Then you're constantly hustling to prove your worth. And you're in that cycle of overworking to prove that you deserve the job that you already have.
The other thing too, is, of course, we're going to feel like an impostor when we have this perfect vision of this perfect leader in our minds of how these leadership qualities “should” show up. Right? We think that a leader should always be in a good mood. Should always be inspirational. Should always have positive results.
Now, when we think of all of these characteristics, and we think that great leaders, aspirational leaders, perfect leaders, don't have bad days, of course, we're going to feel like an impostor. Because, hey, guess what? We're human. We're going to have bad days. And, we're going to have days where we're not going to show up perfectly.
So, feeling like an imposter is feeling like we don't belong. It really is the fastest way to overwork and be underpaid, because we're working harder to prove ourselves. Now, how do we overcome it? Because the consequences are really important. The consequences are, as we've said, often overworking, underearning. And also, being in our minds a lot, comparing ourselves to others, spinning and thinking, looking at all of the things that we're doing “wrong”, and looking at all our mistakes.
When I was dancing salsa, I was mostly focused on how fast the song was, on where I was messing up, on how I looked to others as they were watching me dance. I even thought, “Oh, my God, people are going to say, ‘It's not possible that she's been taking salsa classes for five months now. Look at the way she's dancing. She's messing up all these times.’”
First of all, nobody was focused on that at all. Right? I was the only one hyper focused, in my head, thinking about all my mistakes. And so, what happens when we have impostor syndrome, we are not focused on our experience. We are not focused on the present. We're very much in our head, and that will lead to overthinking.
Now, overcoming impostor syndrome involves, often, changing our mindset about our own abilities. Changing our beliefs about our abilities. Again, when I watched that video, I was like, “Wow, I nailed it.” Right? I couldn't even see the mistakes that I made, even though in my head, while I was dancing, that's all I could think about. So, changing our mindset about our abilities.
I'm a great dancer. I mean, sure, I'm not an advanced dancer. I've been dancing for five months. But I nailed that. I did really good. Thinking about yourself as a leader, ask yourself the questions:
What am I already doing well, now? What are the strengths? We talked about this a little bit in the last episode. What are the strengths that I bring to the table? What do I do really well? Is it because I'm strategic? Is it because I'm detail oriented? Is it because I'm organized? Is it because I'm able to rally my team towards a common mission? Is it because I'm able to motivate them? What do you already bring to the table that you're really good at?
Okay, so acknowledging your accomplishments, acknowledging your expertise, acknowledging your abilities, is key in overcoming impostor syndrome. Reminding yourself that you already have earned the position that you have right now. You don't need to accumulate more certifications, more accomplishments, more knowledge.
And often, again, when we feel like an imposter, we compare ourselves to others. And so, that limits us as well. When you notice yourself, comparing yourself to others, do you do it to beat yourself up? Or, do you do it as an aspirational goal?
For example, I'm at level four in salsa dancing, now. So, if I compare myself to someone who's dancing level five, before, I used to beat myself up and be like, “Oh, I wish I was like her. I can't do my styling like her.” But I'm just learning to style. So now, the way that I look at it, when I look up to someone who's an extra level than me or a higher level than me, I'll be like, “Oh, wow, look at her styling. I love how she does that. I can't wait to learn it so I can do it, as well.”
Just notice if you're comparing yourself to beat yourself up, and say,” Oh, my God, I'm not there yet.” Are you comparing yourself to a leader who's been leading for a year or five or 10 or 20? Just notice, if you're beating yourself up, if you're comparing yourself to someone who's been leading for 20 years. Sure, there's going to be gaps between where you are and where they are, just because you're not at the same level. So, it's normal.
I'm not comparing my salsa dancing to my love’s, because he's been dancing for 12 years. And so, what you'll want to do, is just be mindful of comparing yourself to others as well. Also, notice where you're putting pressure on yourself. See if you can start to release that pressure. And really celebrating where you are celebrating your accomplishments, and reminding yourself that you already got the job; you already belong.
Sure, there are things that you can do better, like, we all can. But looking at it from a standpoint of being as objective as you can, rather than beating yourself up.
In the next week, start to notice. If you want, you can build out a list of your abilities. What are your doing already really well? What are the things that you're good at? Why were you promoted in this role in the first place? You might want to ask your boss about that, if you haven't already.
Also, what are the things that you could potentially improve on? But not because you're not good enough in the role as you are. But just because you want to improve. You want to become a better leader, like I want to become a better dancer.
Alright, ladies, that is what I had for you this week. If you are enjoying the podcast, don't forget to rate and review it on Spotify and Apple podcasts. And, don't forget to share it with a leader who you know, who could benefit from the podcast.
I look forward to seeing you next week. Have a good one, everyone.
Maybe you're thinking, “How did I get here? I have no idea how to do this.” And you don't have time to read all the books and get all the training on how to do this leadership thing. You have deadlines to meet and goals to crush. That's where I come in. I currently have a few spots open for one-on-one coaching. It's like having your very own personal trainer for your brain.
In just three months, I help you become more confident in your leadership role faster and with less drama. We work on mindset to help you stop drowning under all of the tasks you have to do and stop worrying about every email and conversation. We also work on skill sets like, “How, exactly, do I delegate this task to Sally? How do I tell Bob about all those mistakes he has been making?”
Go to www. AnnieFramand.com to book your free 30-minute consult to see if we're a good fit. See you there.
Thanks for listening to The Confident Female Leader podcast. Ready to dismantle the patriarchy with me? Come say “Hi” at AnnieFramand.com to learn more about how you can take this work deeper and apply what you're learning.
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